I shouldn’t put up a sorrowful act and expect people to understand
That I was I victim because of it
Tears do not end a sin
We have to carry it with us through
I was 5 when the person called ‘father’ went away from my life. I don’t even know why he left us. It has been about 12 years now and I still don’t know the reason why he left. And I merely remember how his face looks like. The only thing that I remember about him is the cold words that came out from his mouth that said; ‘ It was the biggest mistakes in my life to have a life with all of you’. And the sight of mom crying besides me.
Yup. 12 years have passed. I’m now a 17 years old girls who live with my mom who are often sick. I still able to look after her, even I’m alone. I don’t mind it at all, because she was my mother, after all. She gave her all when growing me up and I guess its my time to look after her. And I love my mom the most. I’ll never left her alone, like what my father done to her. Sometimes, I wonder if I can call him a father, after all that I’ve been through. But my mom insist me to call me that so, I keep calling him with that title even my heart don’t feel like it. Well, it’s mom’s request after all…
“Hey, what are you thinking? You seems lost in your own world! ,” a voice from a girl makes me comes back to the reality. The cute girl with long straight hair is in front of me. It’s Kaela, my friend.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Really? ,” she ask me again. I nodded. She sighed.
“Okay then… But even if you have problem, I don’t think that you’ll tell anybody about it, right? ,” she said. I smiled at her. That’s true. I’ll never share my stories to others. For me, I don’t want sympathy from others. I hate being sympathized.
“Well, you know me… But don’t worry, it’s really nothing. I just spaced out a little,” Kaela give a slight sight at me.
“Yeah, whatever… It’s good enough to see you smiling in front of me. You didn’t even give a smile to others. Always with your ‘serious-mode-looking’ appearance. That’s why the junior don’t dare to talk or even give a ‘hi’ to you. Also with that indifferent face like you don’t have any emotion at all… ,”she complained. I laugh.
“Am I that serious? But I think I agree with the indifferent face. Well, I don’t really mind people calling me person with no emotion. Emotion just make us weak ,” I said. Kaela stares at me, and sighed.
“I really can’t understand you Leo. Even I’ve been your friend since we’re like… form 1. Its four years now Leo,” I move my sight outside the class, to the birds on the nearby tree. I nodded.
“Four years and a quarter, since this is July… But it’s OK to not understand me, K. I don’t really mind being ‘un-understandable’ “, I say. She sighed again.
“Luckily I’ve get used of your ‘sharp words’ so I’m not taken aback by your words. But some one might get hurt from your word, Leo ,”Kaela said.
“ Its up to them to get hurt. But I don’t mean to hurt their feeling because it’s the truth ,” I say while continue looking to the birds.
Kaela seems to speak again but…
“ Kaela Rasyid, go back to your seat! Are you noticed that the class has started??!? And you too Leorna Harith! Stop spacing out and pay attention to the lesson! ,” the teacher has entered the class. I don’t even noticed that. Well, that’s just nice because I’m getting tired of hearing K’s lecture… Huarghh!!! Time to pay attention!
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